What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 01:08
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
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She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My life is so biszare .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So, i spoilt her more .
What is the typical mentality of the Indian society?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Put me off passion for life!!
Should parents force their kids to go to school when they are sick?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
How did Nickelback gain a large fan base despite criticism of their music?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She wouldn,t have been !
And i lived it daily.
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One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What would explain Trump blaming Ukraine for starting the war with Russia?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He knew the spot.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
How can someone effectively handle a targeted individual?
So whats the point in blame.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What kind of book did you write after turning 55?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
What firsthand information do you have on prisoner-on-prisoner sexual abuse/rape?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What did i know ?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
How did my ex move on very fast?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But it wasn’t much.
She loved him until the end.
What is your most erotic sex story?
Would this be the day?
She was in good health!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Especially a lifetime of it.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I couldn’t, believe it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
All the time i was locked up.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
This is soul school!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She married twice! .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But, we were locked up after school.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It was going to be , some day.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Who then, do I blame.?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Comes on , in middle age.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One cannot live in the past .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
When she asked me how she looked .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
(And it was in our own minds.)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im still living with it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was seconnd youngest,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was very sick at this time too.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why did i forgive my father ?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I have no regrets .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I will be 64.
I was scared of men, in general
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I waited trembling.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She found it foreign!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I said to her
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My family never makes their pension either.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We all went to grammer schools
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He resisted the act ,that day.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I write beautiful poetry .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was 9 years of age.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We were not on the streets..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I think the readers, may guess!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I don,t even have a pension.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Ive learnt so much.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.